what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
