It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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