I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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