i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
