The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
