a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
