Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Randomize
