Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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