True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
