Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
