Dual....:-)
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
