yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
