It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
