so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
