question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
