I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
