it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I just forgot I was standing up.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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