He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
