oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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