Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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