dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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