i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
