we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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