did you get engaged???
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You were trust falling into bushes
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
