dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
