Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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