As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
