Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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