i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
