Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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