Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
