Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
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