i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I just had sex on a roof
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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