I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
