Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
