I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
how drunk are you?
Several
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
