I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
