I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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