i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...