2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.