I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive