is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
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still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
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There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"