I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.