Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize