If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
