walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
