Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
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I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
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YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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