We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
