i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
