We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
