pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
