If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
