Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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