i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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