All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Randomize
