3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
