evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
