I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
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