So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
