i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize