I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
