i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
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