Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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