Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
