My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
