so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
