I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He called his prostate his "boner button".
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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