do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I'm passing your future prison.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
