sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
