Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Randomize
