I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
