A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
How does it feel to date your dad?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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