i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
