so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you traded sex for a burrito?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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