I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize