he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
