i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
