Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I skipped work to stalk him.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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