I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
