hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
