last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
the room spins SO much faster in panama
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
So vagazzling was a success
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
