She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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