saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i think my mom watched the whole time
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
