maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
where are you?
Hypothermia
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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