I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
