i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
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