i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
