There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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