Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
