Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
